Much Ado About a Bunch of Fucking Dipshits

As I get older, all the notions I used to have about people being essentially good are being gradually, consistently ground away. Look, I'm aware that most of you, my readers are people - I'm not talking about you, its not you, its not me...it's The Great Unwashed.

Before I started working in retail, I didn't truly realise the kind of bullshit one had to deal with. I got a crash course today. At the end of my shift I was asked to vacuum the mats in front of the counter. My workplace has a vacuum cleaner with "PULLMAN" written on it, and that's what I call him when we vacuum "come along, Pullman!" I say "we've got to work together!" Ha ha ohhh Pullman, you're always getting stuck around corners!

Anyway, I was vacuuming the mats in front of the registers as I've said, and even though there are 2 other registers to go to this customer decides that it's best to use the one that I'm vacuuming. That's the best course of action, obviously (strike 1). It was the end of my shift so vacuuming is the last thing I wanted to be doing, I thought, fuck this bitch, I'll vacuum around her and set Pullman to work on the edge of the mat. Little did I know that this lady had a personal space that was exactly the same size and shape as the mat, because she turned around and had a go at me.

CRAZY BITCH SAYS: (shouting) Do you have to do that while a customer is here?! Go and clean somewhere else!
I SAYS: (gives the old stink eye) Yeah...alright. (Strike 2)

But that's not all, after I'd finished cleaning "somewhere else!" she decided to come over and appease her conscience by apologising to me. We can assume her horrid skull contains only the following thoughts:

1. The customer is always right, one should be treated as a king when spending $7.95 at the local video store.
2. Apoligise to people after being a cunt to them for no reason, this makes you a better person, gosh you're wonderful!
   

"I wasn't growling at you," she says to me, while I was winding Pullman's cord up for the night. But even as she spoke she began to remember...remember the horror, the unspeakable horror she'd been subjected to! It all got too much for her and she started yelling at me again. "what right do you think you have to do that to a customer?!"
"Look," I say "I was just trying to get the vacuuming done as quickly as I could."
"I understand that!" (she's so understanding!) "but you need to understand where I'm coming from! It's just not appropriate! If you have to vacuum do it, but don't vacuum near a customer's feet, that's something you do at home!" (wtf?)
"Ma'm, I'm sorry if you felt uncomfortable but I was just trying to do my job, I didn't think anyone would mind."

I know what you're thinking "yeah, big deal she's just a joyless woman with a black shriveled heart...what do you expect?" and you're right, but she knows one of the people I worked with and will no doubt complain. The next time I go to work it'll be:
"Kitt...why were you harassing customers and attacking them with the vacuum cleaner? Why were you shouting at customers and raping them and shitting on their face?"

If you press your ear to the monitor, you will hear my eyes rolling with all the force of planets, like boulders through a tunnel of ridiculous bullshit.